23 Things We Pretend to Like
In the professional world, we are always “on” and putting our best faces forward can make or break opportunities and deals. But what happens when we’re always trying to put our best face forward so much that we forget to be our real selves? When being real becomes pretending…Pretending to be happy. Pretending to be rich. Pretending to like something…
Published by Huffington Post (citing a Quora thread on the subject), here are 23 things that you like mostly everyone else might be pretending to like:
But the thought of packing bags, hopping in Uber to the airport with all that standing and waiting and ticketing near people you don’t really want to be near…not to mention dressing and undressing for the sake of security (which we’re all for), it can be a burden on the psyche and your morale. Let’s just be honest, we don’t like traveling as much as we think, even if it is the short ride from Miami to Orlando or to the Keys. And then returning with your social media and phone’s SD card full of pictures and your bank account empty of dollars can really put travel into perspective.
- The recent boom in social media has exposed us to all sorts of beautiful pictures capturing moments in unfamiliar places. And with Anthony Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown” and the shows like it, one can’t help but desire to leave the traffic nightmare and clusterf…frameworkings of Miami to venture into beautiful jungles with blue pristine waters or trek across the desserts sands on camel-back in flowy breathable clothes in some oasis paradise. Sigh…
It’s getting to the end of the week and it’s time to get the crew together to shake your groove thing. Pardon the throwback phrase there. The idea of going to have a great night, leave with some cute people’s numbers and to be seen as someone attractive can really boost the ego. But the before, during and after of just one night of clubbing can be a bullet in the foot.Long lines and waits to get in, the cover charge, limited drink selections on those “ladies-drink-free” nights, sweating like 2 construction workers caught in a bar fight on a cruise ship, blisters on your feet, dancing with guys who can’t dance or not getting to dance with the one girl who’s worth looking at because she came to the club just be looked at…at the end of the night you feel like a greater disappointment and can’t wait to go bury yourself in work to forget that worst decision of not putting on your pajamas and staying in for the night. Oh, and that meeting in the morning? It got pushed up an hour which you didn’t know because you went clubbing. Yeah…you hate it.
Meeting new people
The original post says meeting someone’s family, but let’s admit it. It’s not just family we dread meeting. What about someone else’s friend, or business partner, or some random person they met on aisle 2 at Sedano’s who just happened to share a Miami Dade College bumper sticker?Whether it’s the feeling of being judged or the thought of losing precious minutes you could be using to binge-watch “Suits” on USA, do you really like meeting new people as much as you think you do? Don’t worry, it’s human.
Ok, this one is unique to Miami- CORRECTION: South Florida. You’re dealing with one of two dreads here: either the thought of getting hit by a car (because apparently, being a pedestrian in South Florida is a crime) or the idea of getting sneakers on those feet and actually moving faster than the speed of an airport conveyor belt can produce a little anxiety.Running, and exercise for that matter, has gone from a personal thing to a huge indication of how pretentious people can be. No shade on anyone, but your desire to jiggle and pound pavement is yours alone. But if you hate the idea of running, that’s ok to. No need to be frontin’. (Can we still say that?)
Art is open to interpretation. We interpret that you don’t have to pretend to get it. We don’t get half the art in our building, and boy is there a lot of it! Just look and nod. You may not understand the interpretive dance, but just clap. See that white canvas with the black dot in the middle? It’s not “spring in the middle of winter” or whatever attempt at abstract genius you can muster up. It’s a black dot on a canvas.Art really it left to interpretation. Don’t pretend to like it, or even understand it. And when people ask you what your thoughts are, here’s the key: simply say, “It was an experience.” Then do a mic drop and walk away. *MIND BLOWN*
“Greens, beans, potatoes, tomatoes, lamb, ram, hog maw, chicken, turkey, rat, YOU NAME IT!” Imagine none of the food you remember from childhood that you yearn for being at this gathering. Just beer, soda, water and about 50 people you don’t remember ever meeting with their 3 or 4 children with runny noses starring at you like you’re a new ride at Santa’s Enchanted Forest. Sound like the great ole family reunion. Just reflect on all of the ones you’ve attended since you’ve been a working professional…And don’t forget the bombardment of questions that are almost inappropriate: “When are you getting married?”, “What are you doing with your life” or “When are you going to start breeding?”And don’t forget those matching t-shirts…
Think you like your healthy habits? Probably not as much you think. Read on for more think you pretend to like…
This one deserves a direct quote from Huffington. “Look to your left. There’s someone drinking green juice. Look to your right. Same thing. So you go ahead and pay $10 to sip a blended kale salad. You know you really hate it when you start using it as an alcohol mixer.”Why drink your salad and feign health when you can have a culinary creation that baffles the human mind – a 12,000 calorie taco salad. Ground beef, refried beans, guacamole, cheese, sour cream, and if there’s any room left, a few shreds of lettuce. Eat what you want in moderation and stop chewing the tree bark.
You know you don’t understand it. We don’t either. Like what is a “saucy fellow”? Seriously. And which date is the “Ides of March”? Just read the Bible. You’ll get great life and business lessons with the added benefit of that old English.
The Holidays…Any of Them
Don’t get us started on Christmas in Miami. There’s no snow! Not even a place to ride a sled (especially since people like getting dirt bikes and riding them down the street all Christmas day).The holidays just feel like another reason to spend money and derail all of that progress you made with health and saving and whatever other lies we write for New Year’s. Your favorite holiday, if it ain’t your birthday, is probably all the ones that call for drinking. Saint Patty, where you at!
Cooking…as in YOU Cooking
Just think the sweat that happens when you go clubbing combined with the health alternative once you’ve burnt the post roast. Yeah, you’re better off ditching the apron and ordering pizza. You know you can’t stand your stove.
Cooking for Others
Just think number 10 + the added bonus that you might actually makes someone sick OR someone has the nerve to express themselves about your cooking. Well, that’s actually a good thing because everyone else is probably lying and pretending to like your food.Maybe that should make the list, too. “Pretending to like others’ cooking”.
Watching Anything Other Than Reality TV
You’re watching CNN just so you can actually keep up in the conversation during lunch tomorrow, but you couldn’t care less about he-who-must-not-be-named. You really just want to binge-watch E!
Reading Long Books
You want to be respected and looked at as a mentally worthy opponent on the battle field of the mind. However, the only book thicker than the swimsuit edition you’ve picked up is a catalogue.Reading might be fundamental, but reading trilogies is highly overrated. You don’t have to pretend to like all that reading.
All the reasons you think you like yoga probably aren’t real. For the guys there are reasons that have nothing to do with yoga. For the ladies, there are reasons that have nothing to do with the guys.You have no idea what sun salutation is do you? You’re just praying furiously that you don’t accidentally let one rip. Yeah, it’s ok to just do some basic stretches.
They’re cute from about 1 second old to about 25 months. After that, they’re the seed of Chucky. “Kids say the darndest things” worked a lot better when it was on tv and not a real life serio-drama involving you and the kids of the parent(s) who doesn’t really understand that parenting involves some sort of discipline-teaching for their kids.
Wine (or Anything Pretentious)
If you like fruit of the vine, that’s cool. And it really does go nicely with the right food. After that though, there’s only so much you can take. You really want to be liked but the pretensions that people bring aren’t worth it. You can stop pretending.
Taking shots like a man was a thing before there was social media and internet and access to clean drinking water. Well, maybe not that last one, but you don’t have to pretend you like taking shots. The liquid concoction is like drinking fire and breathing water. It’s not that fun of an experience. And the road to drunk has an easier, less painful route. (Disclaimer: MU40 does not suggest, condone, or explicitly approve of getting drunk.) Saint Patty, where you at!
First of all, some of us can’t even pronounce the word oyster right. So, why pretend to like it? If it’s your thing, cool. If it’s not, please don’t try this at home, or anywhere.
Working With Others
Teamwork does make the dream work, but if you’re like the Batman and you really like working alone, that’s cool. Just don’t pretend to like the people you’re teamed up with. They can clearly see you across the conference room mean-mugging everyone.
Someone Else’s Success
Your life feels like a massive pile of balled up sheets of paper and one well-written paragraph. Then comes in that Stacey with his/her brand new thing to brag about. It seems everything is just so perfect for Stacey. Stacey got a promotion. Stacey got a dog. Stacey moved from North Miami Beach to Coral Gables. Stacey’s significant other just made them something very amazing. And you’re forced to sit there and smile and act like you care while you’re still trying to figure out which metro mover station will get you closest to American Social.
Be supportive of others. We’re just saying don’t pretend to be happy for them when you know you’re not.
Use your imagination here. Whatever happened before the moment of cuddling, we really don’t want to do it when we’re ready to go to sleep. We just want to turn the air all the way down to 69 (no pun intended) or below, bury ourselves in the sheets and hope every regrettable thing we did before bedtime, including burning down the kitchen or accidentally erasing the report due tomorrow, miraculously disappears by morning…including…oh dear goodness, what was their name again?! Just saying…”don’t touch me, bro.”
What Others Are Wearing…Especially Your Friends
Your friend: “What do you think of this new red dress?”
Your thoughts: “Well, if you walk past a clear glass window, you need say one thing: ‘OH YEAH!’ You look like Kool-Aid Man.”That’s the truth you want to tell your friend but you’re a good friend so you say instead “You look like you look.”
My, how the tables have turned. The same truth you wish you could give you can’t seem to handle. But it is true what they say, the truth hurts. So, stop subjecting yourself to the abuse and just admit you don’t really like the truth.
Put your best foot forward, but be completely honest about what you like and don’t like. You’re not a bad person if you don’t like Christmas or always being around your family. You’re certainly not a lesser man or woman if you don’t do wine or don’t want shots. The trick is when you’re at the club, get a cup of water, add a straw and sip like it’s the most unmixed 1000 proof drink you’ve ever had.
Be you and true to you.